Sunday, April 30, 2006

Sam Cassell Appears on FOX's "The Swan"

Minnesota Timberwolves point guard Sam Cassell, who's been dogged and humiliated all his life by his horribly disfigured face, got back at all those who have teased him by appearing on FOX's "The Swan" this past Monday.

On week five of the popular TV show, Cassell's radical change in looks was measured against that of Donna Sheridan, an overweight, unemployed, divorced 29-year-old mother of four whose belly is covered with stretch marks and whose face, which has too much hair on it, was severely burned when she tried to save her family from a fire in her home as an eight-year-old.

Sheridan's transformation was dramatic, but the makeover done to Cassell was so shocking that the show's experts were calling it nothing short of a miracle. Without question, he was chosen to move on and compete in a season finale pageant that culminates in a crowning of "The Swan."

"I don't know what to say, it's just so overwhelming," said a tearful Cassell, as a crown was placed upon his head. "All my life, people have told me I don't have the face for basketball. Well, now I do. I feel like the sexy, self-confident man who I've always wanted to be."

"Sam was a unique case," said Dr. Terry Dubrow, Cosmetic Surgeon for "The Swan". Since he plays basketball, he's really in incredible shape. We didn't have to do any liposuction at all. Mostly it was his face we had to focus on. It was really fucked up."

Cassell had an extremely difficult childhood. He was abandoned by his parents at the age of six, and then he was left without a guardian when his grandmother died seven years later. He started to eat compulsively soon after to ease the pain, and at age 16, he weighed over 200 pounds. He grew to hate his bug eyes for the ridicule they brought him, and worse, started to lose his hair at age 17.

He found solace and lost weight playing high school basketball, and would eventually become more sociable while attending Florida State on an athletic scholarship. He felt a high after being drafted by the Houston Rockets and after leading the team to each one of its two championships, but after being traded to lowly New Jersey Nets and eventually to the underachieving Milwaukee Bucks, he fell into a deep depression. On top of that, he lost all his teeth at 25 due to periodontal disease, so he started wearing dentures.

"Here I was, one of the best point guards in the NBA, and I still couldn't pull any ass," said Cassell. "But what was even more insulting is that I would get calls to do cover shoots for basketball magazines like Inside Stuff and Slam!, but once they saw what I looked like, they made up some kind of excuse, like they forgot film, and never came back. Then, sure enough, I'd see someone else on the cover.


I remember in my rookie year, Beckett Basketball Monthly wanted me on their February cover" continued Cassell. "Turns out they went with Kurt Rambis instead, you know, the Lakers dude with those goggles. What the fuck?"

"It got bad, real bad," said Cassell. "I had fans and players-even other teammates-calling me 'alienhead' right to my face. Someone even once told me that I had the smallest breasts they've ever seen in the NBA. There were times that I wanted to celebrate a game-winning shot by taking off my shirt and throwing into the crowd as I ran into the tunnel, but I was too self-conscious. Even standing next to a guy on the court like Ben Wallace, who's got the biggest pecs in the league, made me feel embarrassed. I mean, the guy's practically got cleavage."

Cassell's lack of self-confidence even began to affect his relationships.

His first wife refused to look him in the face when they were having sex. So he divorced her and marries someone 12 years his junior. But then, he got worried that she would find someone younger and more attractive. Plus it didn't help that she insisted they have sex with the lights off." That's when Cassell started thinking about going on "The Swan".

"I began to think about what I could do to be more of a man, physically and emotionally, and less of an alien," said Cassell. "I guess I just wanted that glamorous look I've never had."

Now, after 35 years, he finally has it. And other players are starting to take notice.

"Sam is straight up cute; like really, really cute," said Boston Celtics' Paul Pierce. "Whoever did his boobs did a great job. He totally fills up his jersey now. It doesn't just hang off his body. Now that Rick Fox retired, he's probably the prettiest player in the league."


-Story courtesy of Sportsgoons.com

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